i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
