My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
