Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize