Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
