I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
