conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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