You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we're so committed to being not committed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
