i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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