oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
COCAINE IS GR8
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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