If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize