just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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