Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
