dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
