i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
