I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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