my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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