His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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