I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
