im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
