And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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