This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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