Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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