It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
