I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
