you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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