That's intense
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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