made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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