alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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