I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
