I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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