i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
