Screwed.edu
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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