I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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