Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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