Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
