I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
