Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
