i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize