i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
