just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize