Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
