Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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