I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
