Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
