I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Help. Why am I so naked?
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