My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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