YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize