You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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