she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
