the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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