Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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