What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize