Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just want nice things and good sex
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
