Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
