drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
