Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
