i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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