she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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