I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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