Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize