I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i came on her dog
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
