We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
