Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize