Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
