she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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