She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
