Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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