I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
