We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize