Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
