I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
