Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
