I think im going to throw up on grandma
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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