One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
