Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
