there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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