I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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