I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
