She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
