after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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