i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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