dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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